What an honor to be considered
As I was listening to President Trump at the townhall, I was amazed that he finally admitted that he knew who his VP was going to be. I can tell you I am so excited that he has finally come out of the closet with the news. And although the Great One did not mention my name directly, I have been assured that it is I who am the chosen one to back up the Chosen One.
Of course, I am honored, as any American would be. I mean, I hear Joe Biden was even jockeying for the position. And of course the other Joe, the one from West Virginia, has clearly been marking his territory over the last year. Even Nikki and Ron are vying for the coveted spot. Yet it is I who have gotten the call up. I am now the official reliever in chief in the bullpen.
Of course, I am so exited. Yet I still have to decide if I will accept such an honor. After all, I am a nobody when it comes to politics. As I hide in the shadows, I am more a benevolent Dick Cheney than the next future leader of the free world. My dementia is in the early stages. I can still walk without falling all over myself. I can dress myself and I can talk coherently about almost all subjects that may arise. So I am at least more qualified than the current commander in chief.
As for helping Trump win the election, I am particularly up to the task. I can send zingers from the inner space of my brain to the internet from the comfort of my own undisclosed location. I can cheer on the Chosen One from afar as not to allow any sun to fall on anything but his radiant face. I can even ensure that other golfers will have their worst days ever when pitted against President Trump. [Don’t ask how. My lips are sealed|].
Because of all of these reasons, I will seriously consider the position of the Vice President on the Trump ticket. To even make the transition to make the perfect ticket, I will of course change my name to Donald Trump. After all, who would be a better partner to the Chosen One than the Chosen One himself.